Well, this blog entry is for my husband. He commented the other day that I hadn't written anything for a while. Now, my positive nature took that to mean that he enjoys reading what I write. (And I guarantee that he's laughing after reading that line because he knows my nature too well.) I'm actually more of a "glass-half-empty" type of person. We discussed that during the baseball series between the Tigers and the Rangers. I was of the opinion that the Tigers were going to lose. Michael was much more optimistic. I tried to make him understand that by expecting the worst, I would not be as disappointed when it actually occurred. I would get to be pleasantly surprised if the worst did not happen. It was actually in my own best interest to have negative expectations. Michael did not buy my explanation.
Anyway, because I am not naturally a positive thinker, I am working on training my mind differently. I'm asking God to give me His eyes to see the good things and anticipate His power to amaze me in the hard things. To expect God to "show up" instead of expecting the worst. It's slow going to retrain a brain, but the more one practices, it does come easier. I'm still not positive instinctively, but I am getting quicker at grabbing those negative thoughts and refocusing them. That's only possible by the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
My negative nature was trying to take over this past week. The enemy was trying to plant seeds of discouragement, dissatisfaction, loneliness and envy. I needed to consciously choose to think with a godly perspective and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
I was looking at the mint green living room carpet with its worn spot at the base of the steps. We've lived with this carpet since we bought the house almost twelve years ago and it has been here a great many years longer than we have. We had planned to replace it. But then we had four blessed children and God called us to send them to a Christian School. I was also kind of wishing I could be getting my kitchen redone so the drawers wouldn't slide out of their slots and hang sideways and the cupboard doors would all line up. But then God reminded me that there is not one single thing that I am lacking. There are multitudes who couldn't imagine living with the luxury of mint green carpet. And to actually have stuff that one needs cupboards and drawers for! Millions of people have next to nothing. I was reminded that I am abundantly rich and have absolutely no excuse for anything apart from a spirit of thankfulness and gratitude.
I was missing some dear spiritual sisters whom God has moved on to other things. These lovelies are no longer part of my life each week and I was wishing they were. But then God whispered to me, "Treasure what was and cherish it, but don't focus on what used to be. Look to what I'm going to do in providing new spiritual sisters for you. Don't miss out on the blessings I have for you in new relationships because you are focused on old ones."
The enemy was telling me, "You aren't appreciated in what you do. Why don't you just go ahead and feel sorry for yourself." But God reminded me that my life really isn't about me. It's about Him. So I chose to look for opportunities to encourage others and show my appreciation for what they do and who they are. This brought me so much joy! When I looked for ways I could bless others, I was blessed. My attitude picked up and God was so gracious; He even sent three extra special encouragements my way yesterday. My BSF co-leader from last year popped into the room to tell me that God had put me on her heart and she had been praying for me over the past week. A sweet note from a friend and a conversation with another one brought such encouragement to me.
I also found myself wishing that my husband would plan on weekend away for just the two of us. I'm so special and deserve lavish care, right? (Oh so many problems with that self-centered thinking!) We haven't been away from our kids for a night in the past seven years and I was a bit envious of one who was soaking up the sun that week. But Michael was right in reminding me that weekend trips aren't in our budget right now. I was tempted to feel sorry for myself. "Poor you," the enemy coaxed. "You never get to go anywhere." (Never mind we've been able to take family vacations every year and I really don't like to be away from my kids anyway.)
But instead, I reminded myself of the main reason Michael didn't want to go away for a weekend. He doesn't want to miss his BSF leader's meeting. Not that he enjoys getting out of bed at 5:00 a.m. every Saturday. He feels his call to service there that strongly. I thought back a a couple weeks. Michael's brother called and invited him to go to the opening play-off game for the Tigers. Michael's response was, "If it's on Friday, absolutely! If it's on Monday night, I can't go. I can't miss BSF
I can look back at last week and see so much of God in it. The mental work of fighting the tempting thoughts and feelings the enemy led me toward only resulted in revealing more of God to me. His patience, His redirecting, His great tenderness and love, His lavish blessings. He is turning each of His children into new creatures with new ways of thinking. And one day, in glory, I will be truly, instinctively positive every minute.
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